I told the story of the Ignited Man exercise where I would have a student stand in front of me and reflect back to me his belief he was a good man (or not). In terms of exercises I had written, it was one of the simplest but also one of the most powerful. I learned “Language creates reality and reality creates language.” So, I highly recommend you complete this exercise to create a foundation of self-love.

Option A: Solo Practice

1. Stare at your own reflection. Feel the intensity of your gaze. Drop the smile, stop trying to avoid your own gaze, and just relax. When you are ready, speak the following statement: “, I am a good man”.

2. Say it again. And again. Say it until you truly believe it. No shortcuts.

Option B: With another friend

1. One person plays the instructor role. They will say simply: “, you are a good man”.

2. The other person plays the student “Yes , I am a good man”

3. The instructor will complete the cycle until they feel the student actually believes is. You can tell by the feeling in your body or just your felt sense. Don’t overcomplicate it or torture him for fun. When you feel the ZING of his belief, say it out loud.

4. Reverse roles

For some, you may not truly believe you are good man and feel incomplete with this exercise. If that is the case, I would then ask you reframe any shame or doubt and celebrate your heroic attempt at this challenging exercise. Take a break, do some more reading, and come back to it.

My teacher liked to say: “You can’t go from bad to better. You can only go from bad to good and then from good to better.” Let’s start from the foundation that you are at GOOD in your life and this working on yourself will make it BETTER. For example, if you moved through this exercise with ease, that is your good. If you had trouble completing it, it would understandable if you labeled yourself as BAD. However, I recommend you reframe this as GOOD simply because you made a valiant attempt. From this level of GOOD, you can try again later and move towards better.