Rob Explaining the exercises
We live in a society of disapproval so it may seem normal to have this loud, self-critical voice in our heads all the time. I used to have one and it ran my life. No matter how hard I tried, I could never seem to stop hearing all the things I was doing wrong even at my points of highest achievements. I was then gifted with the following exercises about how to know where these voices came from and I threw myself diligently into it. When I was done, I had over 300 judgments and had written over 200 pages of notes. YIKES!
Then, I did it a second time. My point is this: To move away from your self-judgment, you must confront it. I highly recommend you work on your inventory and allocate many hours to it. I know it can change your life because it did mine.
As an example, here are mine:
1) test
2) Trying only makes things worse
3) I'm a curse, people close to me leave me or die
4) Not a good partner/friend
5) Can't emote, have no emotions
6) Not wanted, not enough
7) not as smart as people think i am
8) not good at sex
9) I'm unnattractive and not desirable by the other sex.
10) I can't accurately convey my emotions, my thoughts, what is going on in my head
11) No one is interested in what I have to say.
12) I am way too much sexually. I crave women
13) I have a poor memory
14) Makes me feel like I'm not a likable person.
15) I"m not an outgoing person.
16) I am skinny.
17) Regardless of how much working out I do, I still have a gut. It is unattractive. While my shoulders and arms look good, as soon as my glance heads towards my middle section, I feel unsatisfied with my body. I wonder if I will ever feel 100% free here.
18) I am not important enough to write a book and this is all a waste of time. No one is going to read it and if they do, it will not have the impact that I hope it does.
19) My one is a mess!
20) I'm unemployed. There isn't much that I can see about me that has any value. Worthless, can't get up enough enthusiasm to try to work on anything. Waste all my time fussing over stupid fears related to OM. Watch too much girlsayswhat.
1) test
2) Feelings of dispair, like nothing I do is going to matter anyway, because I'll end up failing sooner or later. Makes me not want to try at all. Depressing.
3) Incredible sadness, depression, fear, shame, anger.
4) Sad, sorrow, depression, lonely, feel "less than", confused, Anxiety about meeting new people/partners, shame, regret
5) Depression. Shut down during tough conversations, can't find words to say, self doubt, shame, gets me angry
6) Depression, anxiety, confusion, self doubt, falter in my decision making and commitments, shut down and disappear, give up easily.
7) very hard on myself, gives me anxiety, self doubt leads to procrastination, can make me depressed at times
8) makes me not want to try things, shut down, unable to communicate about sex, desires, wants, pleasing the other person. ends relationships, leads to angry and resentful ex's.. Lots of confusion.
9) Feel lonely when I'm out, bummed out and depressed that I don't have women "wanting" me, self critical about appearance leads to shutting down, overanalyze things, leads to paralysis by analysis and anxiety
10) I try to be open about it but it comes back to make me look like I don't know what I'm talking about, that I am incapable of feelings and good communication, results in lost/failed relationships
11) I withdraw.
12) It leads me into situations that seem like violations to others and I move towards women without paying attention to the cost.
13) I lack integrity. I don't do the things I have said I would
14) I was skinny when I was younger and got sick my senior year in high school and became extremely skinny.
15) Makes me feel like I'm not a likable person.
16) Gives me a negative self image.
17) Regardless of how much working out I do, I still have a gut. It is unattractive. While my shoulders and arms look good, as soon as my glance heads towards my middle section, I feel unsatisfied with my body. I wonder if I will ever feel 100% free here.
18) I live in self-doubt when it comes to writing this book. I do not write as much as I want to. I second guess this process time and time again, wasting time.
19) I am embarrassed to invite women over.
20) I have hardly any motivation to leave the house. I haven't done anything productive in many weeks.. score somewhere below zero on the self worth scale.
1) test
2) Self talk. Tell myself these things.
3) The few people I've tried with, tried to open to, have ended up out of my life, either dying or ending the relationship
4) My inability to communicate has ruined every relationship I've ever had.
5) Childhood, never learned that emotions are healthy, that they're ok. Never learned how to tell someone that I'm feeling something, to stick up for myself and my feelings/thoughts. Taught that to discuss anything "bad" was not allowed.
6) Childhood. Never paid much attention to, brushed aside, always encouraged to do more and not celebrate any wins, more pressure was always put on me to perform.
7) never heard words of encouragement or validation as a kid, from parents, teachers, peers. Always had the "never good enough" or "you can do better" parenting style with me, but not for my siblings.
8) Never knew any better, never had dialogue about it when young, with friends, with mentors. Was abused as a kid, that I'm sure plays a role. Never discussed or open in household growing up.
9) Was always the friend, never the boyfriend. Teased about my looks growing up. Never heard words of positive reinforcement growing up.
10) Wasn't taught, ever, to feel emotions, understand them, or communicate them. Result of my upbringing.
11) I was always put down when I was young and as an adult entrepreneur have had very little success
12) Not sure. I have always craved the attention of women. Perhaps it comes from a mother that seemed to care more for others than for me.
13) I live in my head so much that my interactions with the outside world seem unreal.
14) No one is interested in what I have to say.
15) I've been introverted for a long time. I've missed out on a lot of things in my life do to this.
16) I was skinny when I was younger and got sick my senior year in high school and became extremely skinny.
17) Regardless of how much working out I do, I still have a gut. It is unattractive. While my shoulders and arms look good, as soon as my glance heads towards my middle section, I feel unsatisfied with my body. I wonder if I will ever feel 100% free here.
18) I live in self-doubt when it comes to writing this book. I do not write as much as I want to. I second guess this process time and time again, wasting time.
19) I have always been messy. I believe it takes a lot of time to keep Rhône looking good!
20) ???? No sex with my wife. Failure to commit to moving out , abandoning my wife for this other woman. Could be that I just don't want to do the work. Lazy, weak, not really a man. Self centered. Feel intimidated by other men, envy them, fear of losing my partners to other men.